I’m leaving it ajar, just in case.
I have this backdoor to always
keep a veiled way out.
For I never get engaged.
instead I conform to fit in.
Hence, I neglect my feelings
my desires are invisible –
in the pursuit of belonging.
For I cannot trust others.
I’ve been told that people only
ever want to do me harm.
So I never get completely
emotionally attached to anyone.
For I want to please everyone.
My own value is only the sum
of all expectations of me.
To be recognized, to be loved
I leave my true self behind.
For I’m not worth anything if
I can’t please everyone.
I never please myself,
I cannot identify my feelings,
I cannot express my needs.
I’m leaving it ajar, just in case.
I have this backdoor to always
keep a veiled way out
to crawl back inside myself.